


Sweet & Bloom

by PTwritesmore



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Lavender Brown, F/F, F/M, Femslash, HPFF Spring Writing Challenge, HPFF's Pumpkin Patch Writing Challenge, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Era, Hogwarts Express, LGBTQ Themes, Lavender Brown Lives, Lesbian Pansy Parkinson, Minor Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, POV Pansy Parkinson, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 12:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PTwritesmore/pseuds/PTwritesmore
Summary: Pansy Parkinson was raised to be the perfect pureblood socialite. Boarding the Hogwarts Express, she embarks on a journey of self-discovery and growth spanning her school years. A collection of moments on the train between Pansy and Lavender Brown.
Relationships: Lavender Brown/Pansy Parkinson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12
Collections: PTwritesmore HP Femslash Collection





	Sweet & Bloom

**Author's Note:**

> TW: bullying, internalized homophobia, negative self talk
> 
> Written for the HPFF Spring Writing Challenge I
> 
> Thank you to ThusAtlas for betaing!

**September 1991**

“Chudley Canons?” Draco snorted, leaning back in his seat to eye up the boy next to him. “You can’t be serious, Crabbe. They’re the worst.”

“Are not!” the bigger boy replied gruffly, crossing his arms and glaring back. 

Pansy rolled her eyes as the boys in the compartment argued about Quidditch. She’d been so excited that her childhood friends were able to sit together on the Hogwarts Express. She just wished they weren’t all so….loud. She knew she was expected to sort into Slytherin and she was thankful she’d have her friends with her there too. But Pansy was hoping to make new friends. Quieter ones who shared her interests and didn’t care about Qudditch. Her anxiety had been growing since she got the Hogwarts letter, doubts swirled in her mind about making new friends. While she loved them, the ones surrounding her were the children of her parent’s friends. She’d never had to worry about making new friends and, if her mother was right, Pansy would struggle. 

She sighed, looking out the widow of the compartment door, wondering if any of those people were on the train right now. As she stared into the aisle, a short girl with perfect blonde waves skipped by. She looked like a princess from the storybooks her house elves read to her as a little girl. Pansy heart flipped in a way she’d never felt before. 

“Princess hair,” Pansy murmured to herself as she reached up to touch her own - too short, too flat, and too straight. Her mother often complained about how her hair couldn’t hold a curl, no matter the spell used. 

“What did you say, Parkinson?” Theo asked next to her, cocking a dark eyebrow.

“Nothing,” Pansy said, glaring at Nott. All four boys were staring at her now, and her chest grew tight under the attention. Pansy crossed her arms tightly, hoping they hadn’t heard her. “I’m just ready to stop having to spend time with  _ boys _ all the time,” Pansy scoffed. “Especially you lot. Now if you’ll please excuse me a moment, I need to powder my nose.” She stood, smoothing her robes, and left the compartment with her head held high, just like she watched her mother do. She turned in the direction she watched the girl go and Pansy quickly spotted her a few cars down, ordering from the sweets trolley. She tucked her hair behind her ears and made her way over. 

She watched quietly as the girl ordered, wondering what the mysterious treats were. Her mother never let her have any pudding, citing Pansy’s subpar facial features as an additional reason to be particularly concerned about her waistline. As she was studying the colorful options lined up on the cart and wondering what Every Flavor Beans could possibly taste like, the girl turned around, nearly running into her.

“Oh, hi,” the witch with the princess hair said. She followed Pansy’s gaze back down to the treats in her hand. “Would you like one?”

“What are they?” 

“You’ve never had a pumpkin pasty? Are you a muggleborn?” The girl asked, though not unkindly. While Pansy never heard it said without an ounce of disdain, she wrinkled her nose at the insult nonetheless. 

“Pansy  _ Parkinson _ ,” she replied, holding her hand out in the delicate way her mother taught her. She figured the girl would recognize her name as one of the Sacred 28.

“You have a flower name too!” the other witch squealed, clapping her hands together excitedly and forgoing Pansy’s outstretched hand for a hug. “I’m Lavender Brown. It is so nice to meet you!”

“You too,” Pansy squeaked into the girl’s waves, struggling to breath in her tight hold. 

“Well, you have to have one now!” Lavender exclaimed as she broke her hug. She placed a pumpkin pasty into Pansy’s hand and smiled at her. “That’s what flower friends are for.”

Before Pansy could respond the train whistle blew. 

“Okay first years, time to change into uniform!” a redhead boy called out just behind them. 

“Well, I’ll see you around, flower friend. Enjoy the pasty!” Lavender said with a small wave before she walked past Pansy, back to her car.

Pansy looked down at the sweet in her hand. “ _ Just a bite, _ ” Pansy reasoned with herself. “ _ Mother won’t know. _ ” She took a small nibble, the pastry crumbling in her mouth and the sweet pumpkin lighting up her taste buds. Pansy now understood Lavender’s reaction to her never having had one. 

She looked back at where the girl was walking away and she felt calm; perhaps school wouldn’t be so bad with a friend like Lavender Brown by her side. 

**June 1994**

Thumbing through the newest copy of  _ Witch Weekly _ , Pansy ignored the chatter of Daphne and Tracy that echoed around their compartment. They’d been having the same conversation nearly the entire ride and they were almost at their destination. 

“I just don’t understand what he sees in her,” Tracey sighed, shifting in her seat across from Pansy. “He’s so muscular! And she’s…not what I would expect him to go for. Though, it may be a good match. I mean how could you kiss someone with those teeth? Wouldn’t they get in the way?”

“Flint is on the Quidditch team,” Daphne said emphatically. “He’s hot if you ignore the teeth thing.”

“Flint is an imbecile,” Pansy drawled without looking up from her magazine, unable to keep it in any longer. “And he is so much older than us, it is creepy. I’m shocked he’s interested in Millicent.” She left her reasons why unsaid; while Pansy had garnered the reputation as their year’s mean girl, Slytherins protected their own. 

“You just don’t understand the appeal of older men.” As Daphne spoke, Pansy shrugged, a part of her feeling as though she would never understand the appeal of older men. 

The train came to a slow stop at the station. 

“Finally,” Pansy huffed as she stood quickly. “Let’s get out of here.” With a flick of her wand, her trunk levitated ahead of her and she filed into the crowded aisle. Just ahead of her she spotted blonde waves. “ _ Princess hair _ ,” came to the front of her mind, just as it did whenever Pansy spotted Lavender. Pansy looked away quickly, eager to avoid thoughts about the relationship that never bloomed. The Sorting Hat nipped that friendship in the bud, their assigned houses dictating roles that both girls fell into. 

Pansy looked up at the sound of whispering; in front of her Lavender and Parvati Patil were gossiping. Patil kept looking back at her as she spoke, her attempt at subtlety laughable. But Pansy didn’t feel like laughing. Instead an anger bubbled up that these two witches, out of everyone, had the audacity to gossip about her. 

“What are you looking at Patil?” Pansy spat, curling her lip. Both girls stared back at her, wide-eyed at her tone. Their twin shocked expressions gave Pansy a sense of satisfaction, and paired with the snickering from Tracey and Daphne behind her, it was enough encouragement to keep going. She let her eyes rake up and down the brunette’s body. “Missed you in Witch Weekly’s what not to wear, but with that outfit you’d def qualify.” Both the Gryffindors in front of her narrowed their eyes. 

“And what do you want, Brown?” Pansy rounded on the girl, sneering. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer, you freak,” she hissed. Lavender’s lips pressed into a thin line, her cheeks flooding with a light pink that Pansy thought looked like a beauty charm. Lavender opened her mouth to respond, but Parvati laid a hand on her shoulder to stop her, shaking her head. 

“She’s not worth it,” the girl whispered to Lavender, leaning in close. “Just a snake.” Lavender nodded and the pair faced forward, the aisle ahead of them finally clearing out enough to start deboarding. Pansy glanced back to Tracey and Daphne and rolled her eyes. 

“I heard Brown likes witches,” Pansy said with venom, just loud enough that she knew the pair ahead of her could hear them. “You know….likes them  _ that way _ .” She watched Lavender’s shoulders tense and sneered in her direction.

“Really?” Daphne and Tracey chorused in scandalized tones. 

“Yeah, she’s always all over that Patil twin. They’re clearly together.” Tracey and Daphne laughed, and she joined in, her hollow laugh not quite the same pitch. As she stepped off the train, Pansy ignored the sinking feeling in her chest and chose not to analyze the gnawing guilt that twisted in her gut.

**December 1995**

“Pull it together, Parkinson,” she hissed at her reflection in the train’s bathroom. Red eyes and tear-stained cheeks looked back at her, her perfect facade come undone. She sighed, backing herself to the wall and sliding down it until she hit the floor.

Pansy didn’t know why today was the day she couldn’t stand it anymore, why she was breaking apart on the train of all places. She’d been forcing herself to hang off Draco, trying desperately to make some sort of feeling appear, just like she had since the beginning of fourth year. Her parents demanded she make herself both as appealing and available as possible to Draco, since the window to set up an appropriate match was a small one, with most pureblood families of caliber married just a few years out of Hogwarts. Her mother pushed to pursue Draco, her oldest friend, since he’d likely look past what her mother termed her “glaring flaws.” 

But she didn’t want Draco Malfoy. She didn’t want any boy her friends spoke about. Pansy didn’t know what was wrong with her; the life planned out for her as a socialite wife of an influential wizard was what she was supposed to want. But she never felt those butterflies her friends talked about when a wizard looked her way, never dreamt of marrying any of them or raising a family with them. 

Pansy barely heard the door open over her sobbing.

“Oh, sorry I - Parkinson?” Lavender Brown was staring at her, perfect waves pulled back into a loose braid. “Are you okay?” she asked gently. 

“Do I look okay?” Pansy snapped, wiping away tears and snot with the back of her hand, a case study in the undignified. “ _ Typical. Ungraceful little girl _ ,” her mother’s voice hissed from the corner of her mind. 

“Can I - do you need anything?” Lavender asked, taking a step closer. Pansy looked up at the girl, her sandy brows furrowed in concern and plump lips turned into a frown, and a jolt of something unfamiliar flashed through Pansy. She wanted to know what Lavender’s arms would feel like around her, what her lips would taste like. Pansy started at the thought, a shock of disgust coursing through her. “ _ Unnatural _ ,” she heard her mother’s shrill voice scream somewhere in her head. Pansy recoiled from the girl, practically snarling at her.

“I need you to keep your bloody mouth shut, that’s what I need.”

Lavender glared down at her, the kindness melting off her face in an instant. “If you weren’t so horrid all the time, maybe you wouldn’t be crying alone in the bathroom,” 

“Oh, good Lavender Brown is here to give me advice on people,” Pansy said, barking out a bitter laugh. “Don’t you only have, like one friend? Your little  _ girlfriend _ ?” Pansy spat out the last word, surprising herself with the amount of vitriol she deposited in it. 

“Do you have a problem with a witch liking other witches?” Lavender asked, tilting her head to the side. “Because you seem rather invested in me and Parvati.”

Hot tears welled in Pansy’s eyes, and an anger bubbled up in her chest. “Get out,” she ordered between gritted teeth. Lavender didn’t move, pity overtaking her features. “Get out!” Pansy screamed, prompting Lavender to back out of the small lavatory with an eye roll. As the door slammed shut, Pansy wrapped her arms around herself, sobs tearing from her throat, guttural and raw. Her cries bounced off the walls of the small room, echoing around her. She was alone.

“ _ You’ll always be alone _ ,” that insidious voice sounded again. She buried her head in her arms.

Alone. 

**December 1996**

“WON WON!” The entire compartment stared out the door to see Lavender Brown run past. Pansy could feel her blood curdle at the name, at the stickly sweet tone. She’d spent months watching Lavender fawn over Ron Weasley, of all people. Pansy had to endure shouted compliments in the Great Hall, stolen glances in their classes, and, more recently, kissing in every nook and cranny of the bloody castle. As a prefect she’d personally caught them in various states of undress three separate times. 

“Imagine chasing after the Weasel,” Draco sneered towards the door from his window seat, finally acting just a bit like his old self. The compartment chuckled. 

“Absolutely disgusting,” Pansy scoffed, rolling her eyes. She didn’t voice that she hated the idea of Lavender chasing after anyone.

**December 1997**

The train was silent for the first time Pansy could remember. There was no chattering about Quidditch, no gossiping about wizards, no exchanging sweets. The overwhelming quiet was no surprise; this term had been hell. Whenever Pansy shut her eyes, memories of having to torture her classmates shot to the front of her brain. Memories of having to torture  _ her _ were the worst, Lavender’s beautiful features contorted in pain, tendrils of blonde waves matted to her forehead and neck from the sweat. The very thought of it caused a wave of nausea to overtake her, the guilt burning within her. Pansy hated herself for not stopping it, for doing it. But she was a coward; she couldn’t take the punishments she saw Longbottom take. 

After hours of silence, Pansy found herself behind the Gryffindors on the way off the train - or the remaining Gryffindors anyway. She watched Lavender’s ponytail swing side to side ahead of her as she walked, mesmerizing. 

As she stepped off the train onto the platform the group ahead of her started whispering furiously, pointing to Looney Lovegood walking off the platform between two men Pansy recognized immediately as Death Eaters. 

“They’re taking Luna!” Lavender said, incredulous. 

“They can’t do that!” a younger Gryffindor boy she didn’t recognize said louder. 

“Come on, let’s follow them,” one of the Patil twins directed. The group started moving towards the retreating form of the kooky witch. 

Without thinking Pansy reached out and grabbed Lavender’s wrist, yanking it back until the girl’s shorter form collided into her. The rest of the group kept walking away, unaware Lavender had been grabbed. 

“What ar-”

“Shut up,” Pansy hissed into her ear. “You have no idea what they are capable of. Even to pureblood witches.” Pansy dropped Lavender’s wrist and the witch turned around, clutching her wrist to her chest and rubbing it. She narrowed her eyes at Pansy as she kept talking. “Keep your head down and your mouth shut.”

“They can’t just take her,” Lavender said, looking over her shoulder at her friends. “You don’t understand!”

“You have no idea what I understand,” Pansy scoffed at the other witch’s audacity. If anyone didn’t understand, it was Lavender; she had no idea how much Pansy was risking by even warning her. “Look, just promise me.”

“What?”

“Just promise that you won’t do some stupid Gryffindor shite and get yourself killed,” Pansy pled, her fear cracking into her words as she hoped Lavender would see reason.

When the witch stared at her in confusion, she huffed. “It’s not that deep, Brown. I mean, you’re one of the only ones who actually puts an effort in. Me being the prettiest witch at school means nothing if no one even puts up a fight.” She tries for a casual tone, hoping her flimsy excuse holds. An amused expression passed over Lavender’s face before she hardened again. The brief glance into the carefree girl Pansy once knew made her heart quicken. 

“I promise,” Lavender finally said with a firm nod. 

“Good,” Pansy said, studying the witch. She dithered for a moment, wanting to say more, but caught the Patil twins staring over Lavender’s shoulder, wearing matching sneers. She coughed awkwardly and smoothed her robes. “Happy Christmas, Brown.” 

“Happy Christmas, Pansy,” Lavender said with a shy smile. Pansy never particularly liked her name before, but she wanted to hear it fall from the witch’s lips a thousand more times. 

  
**September 1998**

Pansy found herself looking for Lavender at the platform, waiting to see a glimpse of the bubbly witch chatting happily with friends. With no luck, she spent the first half hour wandering up and down the train aisle, poking her head into various compartments, hoping to spot the familiar blonde waves or hear the light laughter she dreamt about. 

When Pansy finally found the Patil twins in the back of the train, she only saw the empty seat between them where Lavender Brown should’ve been, the void left by the talkative witch deafening.

As Pansy made the long journey back to her seat, she blinked back tears. 

“ _ Of course she wouldn’t be back _ ,” Pansy internally scoffed. “ _ This was where she nearly died, you muppet _ .” She curled her red nails into her palms, squeezing tightly to focus on anything else. “ _ Why are you even upset? _ ” she asked herself harshly. “ _ You barely know her. She wouldn’t be crying over you. _ ”

The Hogwarts Express had never felt colder; including the Dementor attack. 

**December 1998**

Pansy took a deep breath, steeling herself as she gave a courtesy knock on the door. As she slid it open, she pasted on a bright smile.

“Is this seat taken?” Pansy asked, drawing attention from the four witches chatting in the compartment.The Patil girls glared at her, while the Hufflepuff girl who Pansy couldn’t remember the name of smiled warmly. She looked to Lavender for her answer, but she was already moving things off the seat next to her. 

The compartment was silent as Pansy sat gingerly in the seat. Close enough to feel the heat of Lavender, her mouth went dry. Under the four pairs of eyes, Pansy reached into her pocket and enlarged the items she pulled, holding them out to Lavender. 

“I thought you might like these,” Pansy said as she pushed the olive branch closer to the girl, wishing the other occupants of the compartment weren’t there, watching them.

“Are these….muggle magazines?” Lavender took them, thumbing through the magazines.

“Yes,” Pansy nodded as she sat on her sweaty palms, unsure what else to do. She tried to keep her voice steady as her heart raced. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading because their fashion is so cutting edge compared to our’s. I’ve been working some into my design line.”

“Your what?” Parvati asked.

“Oh, I’m hoping to go into fashion after school. I’ve got some connections in wizarding Paris, but they were adamant that I finish my schooling,” Pansy explained, her voice stronger. She was thankful to talk about something she felt so comfortable with. “That’s why I came back. I wouldn’t have if I had the choice.”

“What kind of connections?” Parvati asked excitedly, breaking the tension built over years, houses, and a war. Pansy launched into her experiences in Paris in the months following the war, prompting her first friendly conversation with this group. The conversation flowed and, over the next few hours, she found Parvati was just as obsessed with  _ Witch Weekly _ as she was, and discovered Susan was rather funny, and listened to Padma’s suggestions on how to improve witches’ robes for functionality. She learned which teachers young Lavender had a crush on, compared notes with her on the best desserts, and listened to her plans to get a divination mastery.

As the three other witches chatted about holiday plans, Lavender leaned over, getting just close enough for the faint scent of cinnamon to hit Pansy’s nose. 

“I’m glad you sat with us,” Lavender said quietly, her voice coming out slow and sweet like honey. She twisted her waves to one side, a nervous tick Pansy had watched her do in class dozens of times. 

“I’m glad you’re back at school,” Pansy whispered. “I thought you weren’t coming after the first few weeks.” 

Lavender fluffed her fringe, hiding the edge of a scar poking out near her hairline. Pansy knew the other witch had been injured in the final battle, it was why she was delayed in returning for their final year. But the scars were always well hidden, with long sleeves or strategically placed hair. 

“I’m surprised you even noticed. We’ve never really been close.” As the other witch spoke, Pansy huffed a laugh. 

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to speak with you, I just didn’t know…” Pansy trailed off, looking down at her hands. “I’m sorry,” Pansy said. “For everything I said. I was horrible, I just - I was working through some things. Though that is no excuse, of course,” she added. “I’d like to be friends, if you could forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you,” Lavender said, grabbing Pansy’s hand and squeezing. Pansy gave a gentle squeeze back, her heart pounding. “That’s what flower friends are for.” The pair smiled at each other and Lavender slowly retracted her hand. Pansy mourned the loss of contact, but the warmth of Lavender’s expression made up for any disappointment. Pansy felt lighter than she had in years and she relaxed into her seat. 

“Are you excited for the holidays?” Lavender asked. 

“Yes,” Pansy said, meaning it. She was planning to go to the Zabini villa, just outside Naples, for Christmas. Most of her friends were planning to gather there, their blood families either dead or imprisoned. While both her parents were alive, she was finally free from their expectations, their demands. “Are you?”

“We’re going ice skating on New Year's Day in muggle London,” Lavender said, gesturing to the other girls. “Would you like to join us?” At the question, Pansy’s breath hitched in surprise. 

“I’d love that,” Pansy said quietly, the answer getting caught in her throat. 

“Me too,” Lavender replied.

For the first time in her life, Pansy was smiling as she got off the Hogwarts Express in London. 

**June 1999**

“Pass the  _ Witch Weekly _ ?” Lavender asked quietly, trying not to wake Hermione, who was asleep on Draco’s shoulder across from them. Theo was asleep on Draco’s other side, snoring softly. 

Pansy pulled it from her bag and handed it over, catching the other witch’s eyes and sharing a smile. 

“I love you,” Lavender whispered, pressing a kiss into her cheek. Pansy’s heart flipped and memories of the previous night flooded, her girlfriend insistent that they make their final night at Hogwarts their best, and most memorable, night there. Pansy had never kissed in so many places in such a short timespan. The sound of the compartment door opening snapped her back to the present. 

“Anything from the trolley dears?” the older woman asked, a cheery smile on her face as she looked at them. 

“Two pumpkin pasties, please,” Pansy asked, cutting off Draco who threw her a look of irritation. “And a chocolate frog for the sweet tooth,” she added, shooting him a patronizing smile. Picking the sweets up, she turned back into the compartment with a smirk. 

“My treat, Drakey,” Pansy teased as she tossed him the chocolate frog. He glared and shot her a two finger salute. 

“That sodding nickname,” he muttered and he opened his chocolate frog. At the noise of the wrapper, Hermione nuzzled closer into her shoulder. Just a few months ago the scene would’ve been nauseating - or, it would’ve been more nauseating, Pansy amended as she eyed her own girlfriend. 

“Here you go,” she whispered, handing Lavender one of the pastries. 

As she bit into the treat, she remembered her first bite, the memory of meeting Lavender Brown now even sweeter than the pastry. Next to her, Lavender was humming in happiness as she ate her pumpkin pasty. 

She settled into her seat, surrounded by old and new friends, and leaned into Lavender, resting her head into her shoulder. She looked around the train compartment, remembering the anxiety she felt the first time she stepped on the Hogwarts Express. Now, on her way to another adventure, Pansy was ready for whatever the future brought. 


End file.
